Amazing Grace
Sunday, I (Chris) had the honor of baptizing our middle child, Abby. It was an awesome day as we celebrated baptism with our church body and many of our friends and family.
Any time there is a milestone in our children’s lives, I am taken back to a particular time and place. But, this is especially the case with Abby.
There’s a long story leading up to Sunday. Our marriage took the hardest blow it could have taken while Suzanne was pregnant with Abby. You can read more here. We’ve written about God’s mercy and grace in putting our marriage back together. But on days like Sunday, our past is firmly on my mind. I had one recurring thought throughout the day. I kept thinking, “I shouldn’t be here.” If it weren’t for the grace of God, I wouldn’t be here.
My mind goes back to those days nine years ago. They were awful. And it’s only by God’s grace that we made it through. We reflect often about how God saved our marriage. But Sunday, when I looked at Abby I thought, I have no business being here. By worldly means I should have little to no relationship with Abby. I imagine that in the best case scenario I would have an every-other-weekend relationship with Sarah and Abby. I imagine that my relationship with Sarah would be strained at best and barely existent with Abby. When I imagine their spiritual lives, I imagine them tattered and confused. How would they relate to God “The Father” with their earthly father as an adulterer and not involved in their lives.
But God, chose to descend on our marriage and our lives in a mighty way and save us from my wretched decisions, my sin.
And so, Sunday, as I shared special moments backstage with my daughter, as I listened to her testimony, as I placed her into the water, and as I rejoiced with friends and family, I couldn’t help but think I get to be here. God had a different plan. God had a plan to restore our marriage. God had a plan to call our daughters to Himself. And God had a plan to allow me to be an intimate part of it.
The truth is I had similar thoughts a couple of years ago when I was blessed to baptize Sarah. And God willing I’ll have similar thoughts in the future if I get to baptize Cooper. Cooper, our son who was conceived years after God restored our marriage, our child who wouldn’t exist if God had not intervened.
Sunday, the day after her ninth birthday, we celebrated new birth and new life in Abby. But we also celebrated what God did many years ago in saving our marriage. I sometimes wonder where I would be if God had not saved our marriage. But I know one place I would not have been — there baptizing my daughter. It’s true, left to my own devices I shouldn’t have been there. But God had a different plan. God, being rich in mercy, had a different plan.
God’s mercy and grace are amazing! My separated husband did not get to baptize our third son (3 years ago)… he was there… at the church… sitting behind all of our family and friends, but he “chose” his “lifestyle” over his children. My oldest son (16 at the time) had the privilege and honor of baptizing his 11 year old brother. It was beautiful as I rejoiced and cried at the same time.
And you are correct… had you not found the forgiveness of The Savior and the healing that comes with a Christ-restored marriage, your relationship with your daughters would probably look very different today. My children have absolutely no relationship with their father… including my 17 month baby. It has tainted their view of God… they feel abandoned by their earthly father and their Heavenly father.
(sorry… somehow I posted that first comment before it was completed)…
You have a beautiful family. It is obvious that God has blessed you all through your reconciliaiton and healing. And what a blessing you have become to those around you… even those of us who have never met you!
I am praying that not only my own marriage, but all the many hurting marriages will one day soon find healing in Christ… For Nothing is impossible with God!! (Luke 1:37)
Tara, your words always bring sorrow and encouragement to me at the same time. I love your heart. Thank you for your words. Continuing to pray for you.
God is so faithful!! Thanks for sharing and thanks for allowing us to be part of such a precious time. I’m so thankful for what God has done in your family and how He is always glorified!! Thank you for continually pointing others to Christ!!
We’re thankful, too, Vern and constantly humbled. Thanks.
We will never understand God’s amazing GRACE but I am so thankful for it everyday:) I am praising Him that he restored your precious marriage and we now see the fruits of his grace displayed through your awesome children! Love you all!
Very true – beyond comprehension! It’s overwhelming to think that God is mindful of us. Every time we come across a milestone, we’re grateful, not sad about what we’ve been through, but grateful for the grace we’ve been shown.